20 Things I Wish I'd Known Before Becoming a Parent

In no particular order...

1. If you don't know what you're doing... you're in good company! There's no "right" way to parent. It takes a lot of trial and error and creativity. If you love your child and are trying to do what is best for them, you're doing it right.

2. Sleep deprivation is real. One of the hardest things about the newborn stage is the change in your sleep habits. Find every opportunity to rest, day or night--you need rest to do this important job!

3. Postpartum doulas are a thing! There are wonderful trained professionals who will happily lend an extra hand as you transition to parenthood (whether this is the first time or you're adding another baby to your family).

4. Breastfeeding is hard work for about two months, but it can be so worth it if you stick to it!

5. The first several weeks, have only ONE thing (other than take care of the baby!) on your to-do list each day. And sometimes it won't happen! But that's okay!

6. Take care of your body! This one's especially true if you're nursing your baby, as that zaps tons of energy. YOU matter. You can't pour from an empty cup, so fill your own cup! And be on the lookout for postpartum complications--reach out to your care provider if there's anything concerning you want to talk about.

7. Your mental health matters. Find a therapist who specializes in women's issues/perinatal mental health. Talk through the changes you're experiencing in your life. Share the hard things in a safe space. Know that you are normal, and that if you face postpartum emotional/mental complications, there are resources for healing.

8. Never turn down an offer for help! You may have to swallow your pride a little bit, but letting other people bring meals, clean, take a midnight feeding, or watch your baby while you nap or shower can really lighten the load! They like to help, too--that's why they offered!

9. Learn to ask for help when you need it--that's why we live in communities! Turn to trusted family and friends. If helping each other out isn't really part of your family culture, it's time to change that!

10. Set boundaries. If you're not ready for visitors, firmly explain that, with gratitude for your would-be visitor being part of your life. If you're ready for helpers, share that, and share what you need help with!

11. Parenting is a partnership activity. Before your baby comes, plan how you will divide up tasks and make sure that you're both involved in a way that works for both of you.

12. Even though it can be quite a production, get out of the house! It's good for you and for your baby! Take a walk, take a quick trip to the store, spend an hour with friends. It can be difficult to feel like you're stuck at home, so work to make that not the case!

13. Let it be wonderful, and let it be hard. People will tell you to relish the experience, to enjoy every minute. But not every minute feels enjoyable! And that's okay. When it's hard, let it be hard. When it's sweet and wonderful, enjoy those feelings. And know that they can happen at the same time.

14. Connect with other parents in the same life stage. Maybe you'll meet them at your childbirth class or in a local Facebook group or another community organization. Wherever you find them, it's helpful to have friends who are going through the same life stage. They get it in ways your other friends won't.

15. If you face challenges with breastfeeding, seek the help of an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant). A couple of visits with an IBCLC can make a huge difference in your breastfeeding journey! Worried about the cost? Many IBCLCs accept insurance. And just think of the money you'll save on formula if you're able to continue breastfeeding!uslca.org/resources/find-an-ibclc/

16. Pelvic Floor Physical Therapists can be a critical part of your postpartum healing journey. Even though it's common to "peeze" or leak when you cough after having a baby, it doesn't have to be your new normal! Pelvic PTs will help you regain control of your pelvic floor and maintain your dignity!

17. Dads can have postpartum depression/anxiety, too. This is a big time of transition and change for both partners. Follow that link for virtual support options for fathers with postpartum mental health concerns.

18. Being a parent also means being yourself. Don't forget that you are still you after having kids--take time for hobbies and self-development.

19. Your relationship with your partner will change after having a baby. This isn't something to fight against--it's inevitable. But you can prepare for and learn to embrace that change starting now.

20. Do something every day for you. Spend some time in the sunshine, read a book, take a bath, do a hobby you enjoy, move your body!